Being your own anchor

When friends bail on my plans, when no one is there to deal with or solve my problems, when life is hopeless and unfair, I feel angry. Utterly angry.

Slowly and slowly, however, what Iโ€™m starting to learn is that no one, absolutely no one, is responsible for my safety, my happiness, and my problems. In fact the moment I stepped into my universityโ€™s extensive halls, walked around the mighty campus, and became a part of the community, I realised that I am one drop in the vast oceanโ€ฆ

I come from a highly protective background where every emotion of mine has always been heard. This little world of mine was my oyster and I was itโ€™s pearl. But out here, nobody cares. My solo trip, too, forced me to rely on myself as nobody seemed to have cared that it was my first time taking 1 flight, 1 train ride, a 2 hour road trip, and a hotel check-in all by myself. As it occurs to me, there is no reason they should have had to either.

Life at some point teaches us that we just cannot keep waiting around hoping that someone will magically save us from our nightmares. No one is supposed to ask us how weโ€™re doing and make everything okay. We must eventually learn to rely on ourselves because we are the only ones who can give ourselves the lives we want.

Having said that, we all undoubtedly have people whose love for us is genuine and worthy. However, even they canโ€™t help us every time. Sometimes they wonโ€™t have the energy or the money. Dropping my expectations from the world around me has hence made me a happier person. I canโ€™t get too excited to grab dinner with someone because they could cancel the last minute. I canโ€™t call someone and expect them to always show up. I no longer get my hopes up about things that are out of my control.

In the end, youโ€™re all you got. Create your own happiness. Be your own anchor.

โƒ SaaniaSparkle ๐Ÿงš๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

70 thoughts on “Being your own anchor

  1. Love it.Perfect. Being a person who realized all that long, long ago, I found,however, that those people with a social network (peoiple they see often, speak with often and care about) are happier people than people without a social network. Personal experience.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I agree with you that we are all, when push comes to shove responsible for our own happiness or lack of (unless one is living in a dictatorship where one is being persecuted).
    As a registered blind person I attended a college for the blind in Hereford (UK), then went on to University College of Swansea. While I did have some students read for me, the vast majority of my books where obtained by me from Royal National Institute of Blind people. I just got on with things independently.
    It was only when I moved to London (where I now live and work) that I made lasting friendships. Whilst I value my friends, I don’t rely on them. They can (and do) help when they can. But I live on my own and am responsible for my life (no one else is).
    Having said all that, the poet John Donne is right when he says that no man is an island complete unto himself. And every man’s death deminishes me, for I am involved with mankind. (I’m quoting from memory so apologies if the quote is not quite right).
    Best wishes. Kevin

    Liked by 3 people

  3. sometimes, maybe always, life shows us what we should be/do. never wait and always try to follow, stop when necessary, retrace paths… in a movie some time ago I heard a phrase that became my guide: make it worth it. so it has been. my hug.๐ŸŒทโ˜ฎ๏ธ๐ŸŒท

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Yes, and it becomes more and more apparent, as you age and those who’s love you had counted on, fall away. As they will. Even when you are alone, you are not alone, you always have yourself, and your connection to the infinite. Thanks for your sharing. Dr. Bob

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Thank you, Saania Sparkle
    for “liking” my comment on friend Chronosfer2’s blog.

    I come from a distant place from which I remember the name of the streets, the outline of the low hills, the girls, the bathing in the river; all because I still have friends there, and friendship is something more than sacred.

    Best wishes.
    Darlan

    Liked by 2 people

  6. It is so good to see you learn life lessons so quicklyโ€ฆ It is you who decides your fate of course people around us plays critical supporting role but buck stops at youโ€ฆ Keep going ๐Ÿ˜€

    Liked by 4 people

  7. It is a hard lesson to learn, Saania. It’s part of your journey. I have no doubt you will find friends along the way who will be there when you need them, whether it is in person, text, or phone call. Growing pains, for sure. Keep writing and sharing. You have many followers learning from you each time you share your experiences.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. There is something about the university that throws this in our face โ€ฆ alone in a tossing thoughtless sea โ€ฆ happened to me so many years ago. Itโ€™s seems you get it, and your life will be better for it. Carry happiness with you, and it will be with you everywhere you go! Bonne chance mon ami ๐Ÿ˜Š

    Liked by 2 people

  9. “No one is supposed to ask us how weโ€™re doing and make everything okay.”
    This is a profound insight that far too many Americans cannot seem to grasp. Problems are always someone else’s fault; failure at a task is because of a computer or other scapegoat; limited success is because they are misunderstood.
    The prayer of Francis of Assissi would go a long way in getting folks to catch up to you:
    “Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith, where there is darkness, light. O, Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love….”
    โค๏ธ& ๐Ÿ™, c.a.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Yes you are right and people will disappoint you, but they are also part of your support in times of hurt or disappointment. Not all, but some will always be there for you. They are call true friends. I know and so will you, who they are and who wonโ€™t be.
    There is a multitude of reasons, but you have to see them as they are and focus on those who are caring and trying to do right by you.
    How we learn to react to disappointments, defines our own character. You are wise and smart; you will figure it out

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Fortunately i’m Able to Generate my Own Joy
    Yet Not All Are ‘Equally’ Equipped And Develop
    That Ability As far as Humanity Goes The Only

    Reason We’ve Come this Far is Hands That Hold
    Each Other Up

    Technically Speaking
    Humanity’s Empathy,
    Compassion and Love For

    Others Drains Away When We
    No Longer Move Connect And Co-Create

    Together So Far Away Removed From Hand in Hand
    Face to Face It’s a Real Problem Younger Generations

    Are Becoming Lonelier, More Depressed, And More Anxious

    Than Ever Before Simply For they Don’t Have the Giving Sharing
    Caring Healing of Warmth Than Hand in Hand Face to Face Normally Brings

    True Some Folks
    Don’t Even Understand

    Why You Discuss the
    Weather of the Day With
    A Stranger True They Don’t
    Feel the Essence of the Warmth

    So the Weather May Be Cold to them Year ‘Round
    Key is Always Make the Effort No Matter if Others
    Wanna Return the Gift of Humanity or Not as in all Stuff

    Saaniasparkle

    Existence
    Lose it or
    Lose it Applies

    Someone has to Be
    the Last one Standing
    Giving Sharing Caring Healing For Free

    Otherwise the Human Race Goes away
    Slowly Weeping and Gnashing Teeth for Real Now

    Good Luck to You i’ve learned to Choose People First For Truly

    BREaTHiNG PeaceFuL LoVinG LiVinG Faith Not Made to Hold Alone..:)

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Unfortunately, you seem to have found out that not all people who claim to be your friends are what they seem. Disappointments among your friends will happen. It is rude to plan to do something and then just cancel. Not everyone sees this as you do, so my advice is to pick your friends carefully. Some will be with you for a while, while other will stay with you for a long period of time. Simply state your feeling to them and they will let you know if they are just passing through or here for the long haul. Most of us have only have 5 to 8 real friends. You can call upon them and they will be there for you. Others, well they might hang with you while your work into their plans or will move on. Sorry for your unfortunate encounter. Keep on trying, it really is worth it for your sake, because really good friends form your support group outside of your family and will be there for you. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Creating your own happiness is part of becoming an adult. Wanting friends to experience the first stuff with you will never go away, no matter what age you are. What changes should be your expectation of how they react. If it appears that they dont care, you still have that happy moment in time that you should continue to share with other people. Its the sharing part that makes our first stuff a good memory. So continue to share and keep your happniess anchor strong.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. That is one of the hardest lessons to learn in life. You are lucky to have discovered it at a young age. Most of us don’t realise it until we are much older, and have left many disappointments behind.
    Best wishes, Pete.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Dear Saania.

    I don’t know what you should be studying. However, you are a great writer; summarizing, in a few lines, the complete experience of several days.

    The vision you describe is, however, somewhat sad; albeit very realistic, sadly realistic: the world we have built up to my generation (and perhaps the one after mine as well) is not the world it should be.

    I hope that, when it is my turn to leave this existential plane, I have planted some seed whose germination will lead this world towards a more dignified path.

    You must remain as lucid and transparent as you are in your writing.

    Receive a big hug.
    Niklauss.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Your posts always provides valuable wisdom and inspiration to me and all of its other readers. What you convey here is the absolute truth. Many of us fail to realise that we are our own anchor for happiness and blame our unhappiness on others. The only way we can be happy is for us to create it ourselves. Even if there are many people around us who may truly love and care about us. There is no guarantee they would always be there for us on our difficult times. So, we should be capable of tackling our own problems and creating joy for ourselves.

    I truly adore your writing style too and I wish you best of luck with all of your future endeavours. You’re truly a motivation to many people! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Itโ€™s not a very simple and mundane thought that you have arrived at. This is all that you want to know in this life. This is spirituality in its essence. Remind yourself of this truth frequently and experience how blissfully life unfolds before you. Enjoy.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. The exact opposite happened to me. I thought I could do it all by myself when for a stupid tear in the muscle of the butt I found myself lying down without being able to move and I had to call an ambulance. And after 4 months lying motionless on a sofa, day and night, I had to accept that there was someone in my life because you can’t do everything alone. I have always managed my life so that I could do without everyone but in that moment I was so desperate and so sad that I could no longer live alone. At any moment I can have a heart attack, at any moment I can have a pain, fall to the ground and not be able to get up. Health obliges you not to be in the world without a sure hand that helps you. I hope it never happens to you and you have been very good at all these things and you have to be proud. It is an important moment to leave home to face and build one’s future.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I like this comment, for balancing the lesson to be your own anchor. Both graceful reliance on others and graceful self-reliance are important. I love that Saania’s post generated such a good discussion.

      Like

  19. I am sad to say that this took me WAY too long to figure out. I was miserable hoping someone else could help me figure out how to be happy. Once I gave up the goal of just being happy, and threw away the need for someone else to try to make it OK something weird happened – I became happy.

    Liked by 1 person

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