I Am Complete, Just The Way I Am

A lovely friend of mine educated me about an intriguing phenomenon called the Imposter Syndrome. Having gone through it herself, she says it makes one ‘feel like a fraud’. It is a psychological pattern in which one doubts their skills, talents, and accomplishments, and has a persistent internal fear of being exposed as a fraud. And despite a clear external evidence of their competence, they still feel persistent feelings of inadequacy and wrongly attribute their success to luck. Even though this topic in particular might seem extreme, it brings about some ideas that may be relevant to all of us from time to time.

I have often felt like there is some perfect “script” for conversations, and that I cannot say the wrong thing. I have also, therefore, had trouble asking for help from people due to my own high standards. To move past these feelings, I had to learn to become comfortable confronting some of those deeply ingrained beliefs I held about myself. And this is the tricky bit, since we often do not even realize that we hold them.

What helped me is letting my guard down, and letting others see the real me. The good news is that being a perfectionist means that we care deeply about the quality of our work. But the key is to continue to strive for excellence when it matters most, and forgive ourselves when inevitable mistakes occur. We are often burdened by misguided rules such as, “I should always know the answer,” or “I should never ask for help”. But all of us have just as much right as the next person to be wrong, make mistakes, or ask for assistance, and at the end of the day there is really no such thing as perfect.

Another important lesson is to stop comparing. Every time I compare myself to others in a social situation, I end up finding some or the other ‘flaw’ or ‘fault’ within me that fuels the feeling of not being good enough to belong. We must focus on ourselves, invest time in the things we love doing, and we will realize that there is a boundless amount of things that make us who we are.

The most relevant example in my life currently would certainly be school. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that we are so much more than our grades. I have often asked myself, “when is good enough ever good enough? While striving for perfection is certainly noble, it can usually be unrealistic. What’s more important is turning these feelings into ones of gratitude – looking at what we have accomplished in our lives and being grateful for every success. And I am lucky enough to have a support system around me who sees it that way.

Please don't let them find out I am just an imposter! | by Ayush Mangal |  Quarantine Blogs | Medium

– SaaniaSparkle 🧚🏻‍♀️

168 thoughts on “I Am Complete, Just The Way I Am

  1. It’s so tempting, isn’t it, to compare oneself to others. When we do so, we either end up feeling either quite superior or inferior. We never know what is going on in someone else’s heart and mind, and more often than we might think, the person you are feeling inferior to is feeling the exact same way about you! Lovely post, and lots of good thoughts after.

    Liked by 8 people

  2. ‘m not sure what to answer this question. I certainly have the impression that the person who asks these questions, however good he is, is very insecure that he fears the judgment of others very much. As soon as this person has someone to take care of, whether it is about a husband or children, all these questions will lose their importance. By proving to be who she is: a beautiful person- 🙂

    Liked by 7 people

  3. I loved and appreciated the truth and humility in your post. It is an edge I struggle at too – living/expressing authentically vs living up to my own standards. What aspects of my struggles to share and what aspects are for myself to accept and live through. Even if I tell myself I am not pursuing greatness, there is fear of losing credibility for whatever good I am.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. Some people are “frauds,” narcissists, for instance, since their locus of identity is exterior to themselves. They adopt the characteristics of others (sometimes, whole identities) until something better comes along. Underneath this self-portrait is usually a lot of anger – their defining (and hidden) characteristic. To be complete the way you are is very healthy; in the end we can’t be anything else!

    Liked by 5 people

  5. I think you’re pretty great!
    As a writer, I second-guess my work all the time. Is it good enough? Will people read it, and if they do, like it? Is it quality or quantity I should be going for? Reviews are the worst. They can boost you up, or knock you down twice as fast. I’ve learned over time, to just be me. If it’s not good enough, oh well 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

  6. My dear Saania, a precious discovery for you. Empowering!!

    Letting go of comparisons helps us to be the best we can be. Living an authentic life is refreshing. Of course, living without comparison is easier said than done 😉😆

    Still I find we continue to make progress with commitment and consistency 🤪❤️

    Love this enlightening moment you’ve shared❣️

    Liked by 8 people

  7. Good day
    Saania Sparkle

    That a person wants to be complete, the way he feels, perceives and is himself.

    It would be a betrayal of life and limb if I suppressed my fear of myself and others.

    My disagreements, although trivialized from the outside, my abilities, my talents and achievements as evidence of my competencies, my doubts as findings
    a disease set; be accused of being a liar of myself.

    I cannot speak to others about the phenomenon called imposter syndrome, who, extreme or not, correspond to their reality.

    The talk about something, the recipient, will make his own judgment, about the content, for himself.

    People can and may seek advice in the event of uncertainty. He has to develop the insight into new behavior for himself.

    Every day I doubt my firm convictions, the unshakable basic idea. What is truthful to me today will be pure falsehood tomorrow.

    It gives me no true, inflated self, the one beyond all masses, that I crowned. I have to be careful before I get involved in an act that I have to regret painfully for decades.

    I leave the top performances to the good guys, the chosen ones, the virtuous, who have won victory, against the subconscious, with daily conscious act, as heroines and almighty ones, in their infallibility.

    The quality of a product, even if it is a masterpiece for all eternity, says nothing about the essence or character of a person.

    What I did wrong things and facts, where I have violated the dignity of a person, I cannot and will not erase in my memories.

    The “should” and the “one should” is the hint of the spiritually mighty, who want to introduce us to a Savior who will forgive us our sins.
    I bear my sins myself to the end.

    An answer about me, about the world, that remains my task to work out. To a new insight into myself without giving advice to others.

    I can never know the truth, so I tread my life path as a maze.

    I can never be enough for another because I can never fully understand him, at the bottom of his being. I don’t just have to take care of myself, I have to ask myself what kind of parable, the other who cannot be aware of what he really has to say to me even without words.

    Things are things that surround us; when dealing with them, we need to adapt and shape them. They don’t make us who we are. The human being, in its diversity, is deeply anchored in everyone.

    The school helps to track down the craft, the language and knowledge.

    The training of the heart is everywhere in the degenerate.

    Life is a gift in everything, and thanks to Mother Earth in humility.

    Best regards
    Hans Gamma

    Liked by 6 people

  8. This is such an important post, Saania. Even though not all of us suffer with the Imposter Syndrome, you are right in saying that there are some themes each and every one of us face at least once in our lives.

    Liked by 6 people

  9. Saania, writing is self expression. No one else can think exactly the same thoughts or turn a phrase or bring the same life experience and perspective as you do. There is no “perfect”, although most writers strive for perfection. Most of us are self-critical sometimes, just as you point out!

    You have a very successful blog, and your followers love your work. It’s time to enjoy your success as you continue to try to be your best! ❤ Have a great day!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Well..as long as you know you are great then you are great (like greatvince) other people’s opinions about you is their own version of what they wish you could be, keep being complete.so how about I take you on a lunch…well atleast I tried 👌

    Liked by 6 people

  11. Brilliant post my friend, to be honest with you its not what others think about you that matters, its what you think about yourself, so love yourself and others will love you, i once read somewhere ” dont try to be a great person, just a good person and let others figure out the rest” so in other words be true to yourself and then other people will hopefully see what you see and agree to like you as well. Continue your brilliant work my lovely blog friend ❤❤❤

    Liked by 6 people

  12. This is probably connected to age, and emotions experienced during youth. Once you become as old as I am, comparing yourself to anyone will be a thing of the past, believe me. I stopped doing that over 30 years ago. (Maybe even 40 years ago, come to think of it) 🙂
    Best wishes, Pete.

    Liked by 6 people

  13. Thank you and kudos on your decision and wisdom at an early age. I took me into my 50s before I began really embracing myself as good enough, OK, and complete as I am. I just published a similar post about accepting and loving ourselves. May many more embrace themselves as loveable, OK, and complete as they are. blessings, Brad

    Liked by 6 people

  14. I wrote a poem years ago saying I give myself a B+ in life, never seeming to reach A+ (maybe an occasional A) – to accept myself as I am. Thanks for sharing this stirring up this issue for me

    Liked by 6 people

  15. I loved your post and I am so happy that you have discovered this whilst you are young. I spent a lot of my younger days feeling like the underdog, not good enough or that one day people will discover I don’t have a clue what I’m doing. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable in my skin and just be me. We are all unique, perfectly imperfect and we all have our own kind of sparkle to share 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

  16. Thank you for sharing this. I have been working for the last several years on getting over this very disabling thought process. I always felt like I was just waiting for everyone “to find me out.” It has been a journey to accept that the real me only really needs to be acceptable to me and to God.

    Like

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