I Am Complete, Just The Way I Am

A lovely friend of mine educated me about an intriguing phenomenon called the Imposter Syndrome. Having gone through it herself, she says it makes one ‘feel like a fraud’. It is a psychological pattern in which one doubts their skills, talents, and accomplishments, and has a persistent internal fear of being exposed as a fraud. And despite a clear external evidence of their competence, they still feel persistent feelings of inadequacy and wrongly attribute their success to luck. Even though this topic in particular might seem extreme, it brings about some ideas that may be relevant to all of us from time to time.

I have often felt like there is some perfect “script” for conversations, and that I cannot say the wrong thing. I have also, therefore, had trouble asking for help from people due to my own high standards. To move past these feelings, I had to learn to become comfortable confronting some of those deeply ingrained beliefs I held about myself. And this is the tricky bit, since we often do not even realize that we hold them.

What helped me is letting my guard down, and letting others see the real me. The good news is that being a perfectionist means that we care deeply about the quality of our work. But the key is to continue to strive for excellence when it matters most, and forgive ourselves when inevitable mistakes occur. We are often burdened by misguided rules such as, “I should always know the answer,” or “I should never ask for help”. But all of us have just as much right as the next person to be wrong, make mistakes, or ask for assistance, and at the end of the day there is really no such thing as perfect.

Another important lesson is to stop comparing. Every time I compare myself to others in a social situation, I end up finding some or the other ‘flaw’ or ‘fault’ within me that fuels the feeling of not being good enough to belong. We must focus on ourselves, invest time in the things we love doing, and we will realize that there is a boundless amount of things that make us who we are.

The most relevant example in my life currently would certainly be school. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that we are so much more than our grades. I have often asked myself, “when is good enough ever good enough? While striving for perfection is certainly noble, it can usually be unrealistic. What’s more important is turning these feelings into ones of gratitude – looking at what we have accomplished in our lives and being grateful for every success. And I am lucky enough to have a support system around me who sees it that way.

Please don't let them find out I am just an imposter! | by Ayush Mangal |  Quarantine Blogs | Medium

– SaaniaSparkle 🧚🏻‍♀️

168 thoughts on “I Am Complete, Just The Way I Am

  1. I’ve always had an issue with school testing and grading. Especially today we are taught and tested on consensus thought, on things that are accepted by the school systems as truth. What we need is creative thinkers, people who will push back the boundaries of thought and discover new things. I don not find that being encouraged enough, it is getting better but there is a long way to go … Glad you’ve seen it and are escaping 😉

    Liked by 18 people

  2. I’ve heard of Impostor Syndrome before, and I’ve struggled with a version of it ever since I was old enough to be considered an “adult.” By some, I’m considered “old” now, but I still don’t feel like an adult.

    Liked by 14 people

  3. You know what Saania, this post will ring a few alarm bells for some people. I ‘Think’ I’ve heard of imposter syndrome but now that you’ve actually explained what it is, I think I’ve suffered from this my entire life. It all makes perfect sense and it’s a brilliant and important post 😊👍

    Liked by 17 people

  4. This is an excellent post, my dear. Lessons like these are only learnt through experience, and it’s beautiful to see how you learnt them at this tender young age.

    Liked by 13 people

  5. For a long time I had the strong believe that I needed to have an opinion about everything. Rather talk nonsense or repeat half understood and irrelevant things I read in newspapers or seen on tv then to be silent. Then I discovered I actually know very little and I thought I could do, well, better. So now I only utter an opinion when I really have some knowlegde and did some actual thinking about a subject. It means I often am silent and that doesn’t really help in conversations, but that has to be the price. What I mean to say is: try your best and be yourself.

    Liked by 15 people

  6. We all have an internalized perception of “who we are.” It starts being formed at a very young age, and continues throughout our lives. It’s based on a comparison of ourselves to others we admire (family, friends, acquaintances, and those in public exposure), and to our perception of what we would look like if we were “ideal and perfect.”
    We never perceive that those others we are trying to measure ourselves against have the exact same internal conflict as you. In fact, you have friends that are trying to measure up to YOU, because you are someone THEY admire.
    It’s a hard thing to learn and practice, but when you begin to live in the present and not beat yourself up over things in the past (like perceived mistakes, failures, shortcomings, or any other regret that doesn’t, in your mind, measure up to that ideal you), you can move forward in your growth with more confidence.

    Liked by 15 people

  7. Inspirational as always!!! This post resonates with me a lot – feeling like a fraud, and feeling like I’m not good enough. Truth is, we’re all perfect the way we are. Everyone has faults, but those faults make us beautiful 💛

    Liked by 11 people

  8. i Used to Value Large
    Homes in Neighborhoods
    Before Valuing
    Grass And Trees
    More Between
    The Buildings
    And Backyards
    Forests Homes

    To

    All Trees

    And Free Grass

    i Used To Fear

    And Truly

    Hate

    All The

    Brown Leaves

    Huge Oaks

    Left to

    Rake

    Until

    i Let

    Brown

    Lay Still

    Creating Spring
    Green Too
    Early

    In

    Fall
    Winter

    To See Greater
    Colors Summer
    BLooming FLoWeRS

    To Breathe
    Do i Fear
    Falling
    Failing
    Dying

    No
    More
    Than
    Summer
    FLoWeR

    Smells

    Just A

    Reminder

    Of Death’s Birth
    As Above So Below
    Within Inside Outside

    All Around
    Star FLoWeR
    Seeds We All

    Are

    Brown

    Green
    MaKinG
    Ground Sky Blue Again…

    Water Wave Ocean

    Dreams Different

    Dances

    Songs

    Water Waves
    Ocean Same

    Spiraling

    Flow Breathes We Trees 🌲

    Liked by 9 people

  9. I think,aside from my mental health issues, my biggest foe is comparing myself to others…and always feeling like I come up short. It is very self destructive because we are all unique and comparisons are unfair but I cannot figure out how to stop doing it.
    Your post helped put it into a different perspective so maybe I will find a new way to muddle beyond making comparisons.

    Liked by 9 people

  10. A lovely lesson to learn at your age! I’m over 40 years older and discovered this late in life that I suffer from imposter syndrome. Why is it so hard to believe others when they say I’ve done well? That they are pleased with me and my work? Definitely related to self-confidence and fear of rejection. I have to teach myself to trust, to assume that there are no lies, no traps. I’m where I am because I’m supposed to be here. I really hope you discover that you are good enough! You are exactly where – and who – you’re supposed to be!

    Liked by 10 people

  11. Very well described here.. One or the other person undergoes these dilemmas and the ones who comes out stronger are the ones winning.. Glad to see you learning these life lessons at so early age… Keep it up.

    Liked by 10 people

  12. I think comparison with others is such a negative thing to do. We are all individuals therefore meant to be different. Also what is the point of comparison, because again we are all different. With different skills, so get different rates of pay.
    We need to be able to face ourselves in the mirror in the morning and truly accept who and what we are. If we are not happy with that, then only we can change ourselves.

    Liked by 10 people

    1. Getting different rates of pay for different skills is the basis of capitalism. Every job is important, and nothing works if you don’t have everyone working together as a team. What good is a designer if there is no one to turn a design into a real product. What good is building a better can opener if there is no one to sweep up the useless bits that fall on the floor. (How long would it take for the bits to grow into a pile so large the builder could not get to his or her station. Everyone is important, no matter what their skill. Their pay should reflect that. Do you really believe a builder would rather sweep a floor if they made the same wage. A builder needs to build. A sweeper needs to sweep. Their work gets the job done. (And, by the way, what skill does a CEO have that he or she makes $10 million or more a year while a sweeper makes $5 an hour. Without the sweeper, the CEO will accomplish nothing!)
      We are all different, but we are all equally important. And remember, no one peson is so important only they can get their job done. Everyone is replaceable!

      Liked by 6 people

  13. I think inferiority complex is another closer term to describe Imposter Syndrome. A “complex’ doesn’t sound so bad, whilst doctors would love to put you on depression pills if it’s a “syndrome”. So, it’s probably nothing more than a case of over thinking which can develop an emotional response of insecurity. It’s easy to say don’t take life too personally, but it’s not straight forward to deliver as the mind can be a pretty complex thing. But, you seem to know what is going on despite the little affliction that you have with your environment. Believe it or not, over analysing self to the extend of making oneself nervous is common. You are not alone. Alot of people don’t show it, or admit to their indisposition. So, don’t bother yourself too much about it. Meditate is good for the soul. 😊

    Liked by 7 people

  14. Looking at this from another point of view, we feel inadequate because we are not sure of ourselves. We switch who we are in front of different people in order to impress them by how good we are at something, while feeling inadequate inside.
    The best way to feel good about yourself is to be the same you no matter who you are with. Let everyone see this one you. Juggling selves can only last so long. Being one self allows you to become who you want yourself to be. Just saying…

    Liked by 5 people

  15. Omg! I am so happy you mentioned this!
    Recently i got a very important post that i knew i was probably qualified for and i didnt tell my friends till this year because i was anxious that they had mistakenly appointed me.
    I have learned to remind myself that i am capable abd i deserve good things to come my way
    Thank you

    Liked by 5 people

  16. Great points. It takes great courage to learn to love and accept our self all parts, not just those that society acknowledges or praises,….as well as the courage to allow others to see all of our self. There is so much in society that says otherwise, that only “perfection” is allowed and that perfection changes from religion to marketing to various cultures.

    I’m so glad you are on this journey of acceptance and relaxing more from the restraints.

    Liked by 7 people

  17. I go through this from time to time.. I let the people who portray their lives as perfect make me feel inadequate. I have to grab my self, give a little shake and remember who I am in Him and that authentic is way better than masquerading as perfect!!

    Liked by 6 people

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