I Am Complete, Just The Way I Am

A lovely friend of mine educated me about an intriguing phenomenon called the Imposter Syndrome. Having gone through it herself, she says it makes one ‘feel like a fraud’. It is a psychological pattern in which one doubts their skills, talents, and accomplishments, and has a persistent internal fear of being exposed as a fraud. And despite a clear external evidence of their competence, they still feel persistent feelings of inadequacy and wrongly attribute their success to luck. Even though this topic in particular might seem extreme, it brings about some ideas that may be relevant to all of us from time to time.

I have often felt like there is some perfect “script” for conversations, and that I cannot say the wrong thing. I have also, therefore, had trouble asking for help from people due to my own high standards. To move past these feelings, I had to learn to become comfortable confronting some of those deeply ingrained beliefs I held about myself. And this is the tricky bit, since we often do not even realize that we hold them.

What helped me is letting my guard down, and letting others see the real me. The good news is that being a perfectionist means that we care deeply about the quality of our work. But the key is to continue to strive for excellence when it matters most, and forgive ourselves when inevitable mistakes occur. We are often burdened by misguided rules such as, “I should always know the answer,” or “I should never ask for help”. But all of us have just as much right as the next person to be wrong, make mistakes, or ask for assistance, and at the end of the day there is really no such thing as perfect.

Another important lesson is to stop comparing. Every time I compare myself to others in a social situation, I end up finding some or the other ‘flaw’ or ‘fault’ within me that fuels the feeling of not being good enough to belong. We must focus on ourselves, invest time in the things we love doing, and we will realize that there is a boundless amount of things that make us who we are.

The most relevant example in my life currently would certainly be school. And I’ve come to terms with the fact that we are so much more than our grades. I have often asked myself, “when is good enough ever good enough? While striving for perfection is certainly noble, it can usually be unrealistic. What’s more important is turning these feelings into ones of gratitude – looking at what we have accomplished in our lives and being grateful for every success. And I am lucky enough to have a support system around me who sees it that way.

Please don't let them find out I am just an imposter! | by Ayush Mangal |  Quarantine Blogs | Medium

– SaaniaSparkle 🧚🏻‍♀️

193 thoughts on “I Am Complete, Just The Way I Am

  1. Our ‘success’ is usually defined by our profession and, in particular, salary (with employer benefits/perks).

    But the truly greatest and most progressive achievements throughout history had little or nothing to do with wealth or high wages; rather, they came from a beautiful heart and/or mind.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Isn’t it normal? Sometimes you feel great, and what’s the price of the whole world? And the other day… o.k., let’s say: not in this way. The one day you tell the people the right things, the right way, and the other day you don’t know how you dare.
    And the other people? Also, the same way.
    Then, you know something.You’ve learned this and that. But what is this with your car and this annoying noise? Or other things, you’ve never learned, trained. You have to ask. Not so difficult. Not so easy: to ask for help, beeing helpless (like it is normal at the other day) in this every-day-things, simply: beeing stupid. Or, worst: you have to ask in your own field of competence. But nobody knows everything.
    Yes, and now comes (often, but not everytime: Mister) the Superhero: I know, I can everything! In the universe! – Well, you know, it is not true. But a very good poser can imagine it!
    What a day. And in the morning, you supposed, it could be one of the good, one of the great days…

    Liked by 5 people

  3. I can so relate to this and im happy that you are very self aware ! you know this is one of the first skills one should know when it comes to SELF Growth knowing your self i do hope that you are have a GREAT day And YEAH !! summer is not to far away soon the flowers will be up so much light to you !

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Beautifully put.

    Ive heard this term bandied about in the same context as what we used to call “feeling inferior” though Im sure its much more complex than I appreciate.

    But it seems to me it is part of a larger trend to give common human behavior a diagnosis.

    Everyone experiences and should learn to recognize such aspects of the human condition, but I doubt we will ever be free of them.

    I think comparison is the instinct of a social animal and feeling unworthy or out of place (or superior and full of ones self), is a natural reaction to comparison.

    I do think terms like this help us to understand ourselves better, though.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. The ingrained thought of competition internationally or locally, with people in regard with anything, had caused a little more pressure in our life. When we see others, we feel singled out and sometimes, people single you out by mocking or passing jokes on you. But the important thing is to try to stay be calm and composed and feel that you are good enough to be alive and there is a rational reason or purpose that you are still alive, and before that God is not going to call you to your death. You have to find your purpose in life, and as someone said “Life is beautiful…”👌

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  6. My support system sees it this way, I do not. I’m working on it, but I almost always feel that lick or happenstance leads to my successes, yet my failures are my own. I know that sounds insane, especially because it sounds insane to me as I type it. But it’s there. But maybe, now that I see it makes no sense I can work to change it.

    Liked by 2 people

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