Controlling our emotions…


Here are two identical twins Emily and Sophia.

Every little thing makes Emily fly off the handle – from the traffic on the roads, to waiting in a long queue, to stumbling upon mean people. Her mood and her happiness is directly determined by the things happening around her.

Sophia on the other hand doesn’t let the little things in life get to her. She remains calm, controls her emotions, and on a continuous basis is much more happier with life than Emily is.

Looking at Emily and Sophia, which twin would you like to spend a day or two with?

Most certainly Sophia for me!

The difference between them is choice.

Controlling our emotions becomes very much like our choice. It is rather like developing a skill that may take ages to get used to. And as humans, we tend to struggle with change the most.

When a particular emotion bothers us, the last thing we want is to deal with it pro-actively. Instead we want to rant about it, which ultimately brings us no good. While emotions are a crucial part of life in helping us to know ourselves and to connect deeply with other people, as soon as when we act on our emotions too quickly, or we act on the wrong kinds of emotions, we often make decisions that we later lament.

To tackle this, it is very important to identify our emotions- and allowing them to be seen. Monitoring them will help to create awareness about the particular emotion that makes us have a conniption fit.

Then allow yourself to discover why you feel this emotion. This could be due to many reasons like a low self-esteem, insecurities, etc.

Once we figure out what circumstances or situations have a major affect on us, we must find a solution for it. In reality I have noticed that a lot of times I feel emotions that arise when someone says something to me. But a simple solution for that would be to laugh about it! Nobody in this world has control over our emotions, it is always our choice.

Another thing to remember is that many times we react a bit too soon. A sudden wave of anger hits us and we do stupid, unnecessary things (which becomes our greatest regrets later on!)

For this it is important to distant yourself from the situation or the person for a little while whenever you get an emotional upsurge. Take time to stabilise yourself and your overwhelming impulse. Calm yourself, think with a rational mind and only then act on it. Never act on a strong emotion, which most of the times I notice is anger.

This is, indeed, easier said than done. However, many people believe that they will be free of anger if they express it, that their tears release pain. But this infact is an often harmful concept that has proven to be completely wrong. It sees the brain as a steam kettle in which negative feelings build up pressure. Meaningful friends often tell us to  “cry and let it all out!”. But in reality this helps no one. Controlled studies show that tears can drive us still deeper into depression, and that fits of rage are more likely to intensify anger. Ultimately, it brings us further down in the dumps. People who make the effort to control their emotions not only live a happier life, but are favouring their health too, (Increasing the activity of the left side of their prefrontal cortex).

So recognise your triggers and take charge of them. Quiet down your uneasy mind and you decide how you want to feel – just like Sophia!

153 thoughts on “Controlling our emotions…

  1. Ive never heard the idea of controlling anger or tears, except to suppress them, which has always been accepted to be damaging. What an interesting idea that it’s not damaging but is in fact more healthy. Lots to think about!

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Good advice …

    But try as I might
    My Sicilian temper
    Sometimes make me
    A frightful sight!

    Al Pacino, Robert De Nero and me
    Three basically the same age
    DNA mix


    “ Are you looking at me?”
    From “Taxi Driver”

    And “Hoo-Ah … Hoo-Ah”
    From “Scent of a Women!”

    That’s me
    You see!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I don’t really agree with all of this. Tears spontaneously bursting out actually are a release which is different from a kind of crying you self generate. The evidence is out that tears not shed actually contribute to disease so to say that crying is wrong to my mind is dangerous.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think Sophia practices something which might be referred to as “Mindfulness”.
    She evaluates whether it is really necessary to react to such irritants?
    Great post once again.. Thank you for sharing.. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you Madam for sharing your thoughts..
        Yes, you are correct. Anger may be controlled by this method, but sadness may not be.
        Thank you once again. Glad to learn something new..

        Liked by 2 people

  5. Yes, not good to be impulsive. I myself have gotten in a lot of trouble for my angry outburst. Be it kicked out of a job or putting a guy in the hospital, in my defense they were 2 against me. So didn’t go to jail that time. I should do more yoga… I´m a very calm guy, but when they make that switch turn on they could be 20 feet tall, I´m just not backing down to the contrary I´m going forward full throttle and is actually quite scary unfortunately. But what did I get? Jail time. So not very productive nor smart move, but most if not all it´s the other guys who start it with insults, I respond they come and fights ensue. I rarely I won’t say never, but very very few times have started a fight but I do end them. It might be me in the hospital also(has happened, win some loose some) but I just can´t back down. And I think it comes from my years of highschool, I got picked for being the new kid in a American high school and from Spain, didn’t find a place in none of those groups so had to prove myself through fighting which I was already used here in Spain but here in Spain I was with the dominant ones, then I found myself in a foreign country me being the pray. So I reverted to what I knew as a kid growing up in a small and kind of shady town, fight your way out and through. Plus I have always been a bit predisposed for that adrenaline anyways. I hate bullies for example, I would actually go out of my way if I saw in high school in the US some “Jocks” screwing around with some other poor kid and literally fight the guys and it was me against several. I just went first for the bigger one, sometimes I won others got my ass handed to me, but they knew that don’t mess with the crazy Spaniard and if you do you are also going to get some. But again that impulse would take me to see the principal even if I was defending the other poor kid being picked on by those idiots.
    What a comment……. hope you don’t kick me out like the other psychologist did, can you believe that the freaking psychologist didn’t want to see me anymore? That was a laugh.

    Liked by 2 people

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