Insecurity – What holds us back

We all doubt ourselves sometimes.

Thoughts like I am not as attractive enough or I’m not as smart and intelligent enough or not as well-situated in life as I should be. Even the feeling of having all the potential in the world, but that something being there to hold us back.

Comparing ourselves to the people around us, and that just makes it worse.

I find myself in these infuriating situations all the time. In fact even after achieving what I want to achieve, these questions still come, am I really good enough, is this person better than me, am I really there yet?

What I have also realised is that a lot of my insecurities exist where I have yet to prove myself to myself.

These are all examples of insecurities and self-doubts.

But what I have learnt (and am learning) from all of this is that if we push ourselves to do the things that we are afraid of (but really really want), then we slowly cross items off that mental list of things that make us feel insecure. What we fear about the most often shows us what we care about the most. Hence, overcoming the fear lets go off the insecurity (constantly wondering if you’ll ever get there and what people think of you).

Many times our insecurities tend to tell us that we are not capable of achieving something great. However, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t go for it.

In fact my insecurities often make me want to go for it and prove to myself that I actually can do it.

Something that makes us feel even more miserable is when we think that everyone can see our insecurity. However, after all it really is something that is invisible and no one can see it but you. While it truly makes us self-conscious and self-doubtful, only we can see what our mind tells us, and what we can deliberately work upon.

On a slightly different note, dealing with our insecurities can become a lot easier when we slowly start to discover ourselves.

For this, I recently researched about something known as the Johari Window.

 

This is a simple illustration of what a typical Johari Window looks like.

It was actually created in 1955 by two psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham. It is an exercise that helps people to understand their relationship with themselves and others better.

In the first block “known to self and known to others”, you can list adjectives and characteristics that describe you. These are the characteristics that you recognize in yourself but that also others mention when they talk with you. This block is called the arena (or open, as it describes the attributes that we usually feel most confident about). We can express them openly, and others apprehend them clearly.

The second block is “known to self and unknown to others”. Here you can write down things that are a part of you but that you do not show to others. This block is called the facade or hidden because these are the things you prefer to hide from others. For example, you might hide a strong will to compete but you keep it to yourself in favor of pleasing others – a very common situation.

The third block is “unknown to self and known to others”. This is the Blind Spot and it can be very difficult to manage, and can cause others to talk behind your back. This is because they can see something that you don’t.

The last block is “unknown to self and unknown to others”. This is hence called unknown. Which means it will never become the subject of discussion.

Knowing who you are is an essential part of achieving a meaningful life, and the aim of this Johari Window is to know your true self through analysation.

Yes it has other uses like in businesses, etc, but I thought I would include it in this topic too as it has some correlation.

“Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.”

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111 thoughts on “Insecurity – What holds us back

      1. Saania I read your blog dated 1st Feb.Well I,inspite of my best search,could not get the way to make my comments.
        Well read your articles and feel that it has question and answer both.You mentioned three books and came to conclusion that one find it difficult to know about himself though one knows others.I feel readings and meditation are two important factors by which one may know self as well the outer world.
        I confess that I am unable to reach to your level of thoughts to make a purposefully comments.
        I have best wishes for you.

        Liked by 4 people

  1. Hey ! It’s amazing
    What I have also realised is that a lot of my insecurities exist where I have yet to prove myself to myself. 👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌👌
    You had penned this very well
    Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.
    Noteworthy # enjoyed reading
    Keep sharing 💙

    Liked by 5 people

  2. dearest saania you have written wonderfull we say it like this selfrealization apney ko jano the basic aim of life is to know yourself first no insecurity why to fear ready for the worst and do ypur duty sincerily never fear for othersview

    Liked by 6 people

  3. Hey my little princess: Absolutely amazing. Always difficult to write about our weaknesses. Needs a lot of courage so well done. “Myself from myself” and the last quote are brilliant!
    I have realized comparison with others is futile: it either makes you haughty or miserable! Each of us have such unique lives, how do we compare? Someone has less money but a wonderful family while others may have all the wealth but loneliness at home. Who decides x amount of money is equivalent to y amount of relationships?
    But reality is that most of us are insecure, even if logically we shouldn’t be. What is common sense is often not common practise. So just the right article we all needed! Well done again.

    Liked by 6 people

  4. This was such a thought provoking read. This part was totally relatable for me, ‘In fact even after achieving what I want to achieve, these questions still come, am I really good enough, is this person better than me, am I really there yet?’. We tend to undervalue ourselves owing to the rat race we’re stuck in. I think sometimes it’s better to take a pause & get in sync with our heart before pointlessly dragging ourselves ahead of everyone else.

    Liked by 7 people

  5. Absolutely true! Self doubt comes first and then comes insecurities! Insecurities is where it drops down all too. It then shackles you completely and you get a very bad feel about yourself and the other person too. Well written and this ‘‘Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.’ mind-blowing!

    Great going there!

    Liked by 7 people

  6. There are three types of people:
    1- one who does not know and does not know that he does not know.
    2- who does not know but he knows that he does not know.
    3-Who knows and knows that he knows
    You seem to be in category 3 and this is the person who should be followed.
    So cheers to you saania! dont get insecured for anything. Just face it, work on this and you will become a secured person.
    If you need any clarification, do not hesitate to do that.
    Love!

    Liked by 7 people

  7. I agree, self doubt can make you feel miserable as you never fully accept yourself for who you are and hence you feel that no one else is going to accept you either.
    A very helpful post with lots of interests points. Keep up the good work, all the best 😇

    Liked by 6 people

  8. In learning to love unconditionally
    In learning to give without expectation
    We are creating a habit of increasing our sense of well being without crutches. & self doubts.Sometimes the simplest way is to learn to recognize overthinking patterns of thought which is the main cause of anxieties and insecurities and let them go.
    A surefire shot to building the self esteem and self worth.
    Nice post Saania. Truly enjoyed reading this very relevant piece on self reflection in awareness. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 5 people

  9. “if we push ourselves to do the things that we are afraid of (but really really want), then we slowly cross items off that mental list of things that make us feel insecure.”
    I very much agree, well done! Thumbs up 👍

    Liked by 6 people

  10. I really like that Nowhere Quote..
    Is it by you??…..
    For post,
    Everything you said is right….
    And I believe it is an Essential Sound Pack Volume everyone need in their mix of life. (In language of a music producer..😉)
    And it is called, “Sound of Nowhere”
    It’s a really strange voices sound pack. You can’t actually guess how those sounds are produced, but they all have same wave pattern every other normal sound has. So No panic!!
    “Keep Calm and listen the Music…🎶🎶🎹”
    Hope you got the point..🙂

    Liked by 6 people

  11. “What I have also realised is that a lot of my insecurities exist where I have yet to prove myself to myself.”
    I face this a lot too, Your post is really helpful 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

  12. As a teenaged boy, I was very insecure, as it related to how girls saw me. I never thought that I could match up to the desires that girls expected to see in potential dates. It took quite a while for me to work through that. But, I think that many people have an idea that they suffer from the Barney Fife syndrome(Andy Griffith Show). It seemed that Barney could never do anything right. Of course, Andy would always be there to dig Barney out of the hole that he had dug for himself. I think that all of us can see within ourselves, things that we placed within us: “unattainable and unachievable expectations.” I still put myself in that category, and am still working on a solution.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Encouraging and enlightening. There will be no achievements until we start and we won’t really start until we believe ourselves. Really enjoyed reading the artical 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

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