Insecurity – What holds us back

We all doubt ourselves sometimes.

Thoughts like I am not as attractive enough or I’m not as smart and intelligent enough or not as well-situated in life as I should be. Even the feeling of having all the potential in the world, but that something being there to hold us back.

Comparing ourselves to the people around us, and that just makes it worse.

I find myself in these infuriating situations all the time. In fact even after achieving what I want to achieve, these questions still come, am I really good enough, is this person better than me, am I really there yet?

What I have also realised is that a lot of my insecurities exist where I have yet to prove myself to myself.

These are all examples of insecurities and self-doubts.

But what I have learnt (and am learning) from all of this is that if we push ourselves to do the things that we are afraid of (but really really want), then we slowly cross items off that mental list of things that make us feel insecure. What we fear about the most often shows us what we care about the most. Hence, overcoming the fear lets go off the insecurity (constantly wondering if you’ll ever get there and what people think of you).

Many times our insecurities tend to tell us that we are not capable of achieving something great. However, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t go for it.

In fact my insecurities often make me want to go for it and prove to myself that I actually can do it.

Something that makes us feel even more miserable is when we think that everyone can see our insecurity. However, after all it really is something that is invisible and no one can see it but you. While it truly makes us self-conscious and self-doubtful, only we can see what our mind tells us, and what we can deliberately work upon.

On a slightly different note, dealing with our insecurities can become a lot easier when we slowly start to discover ourselves.

For this, I recently researched about something known as the Johari Window.

 

This is a simple illustration of what a typical Johari Window looks like.

It was actually created in 1955 by two psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham. It is an exercise that helps people to understand their relationship with themselves and others better.

In the first block “known to self and known to others”, you can list adjectives and characteristics that describe you. These are the characteristics that you recognize in yourself but that also others mention when they talk with you. This block is called the arena (or open, as it describes the attributes that we usually feel most confident about). We can express them openly, and others apprehend them clearly.

The second block is “known to self and unknown to others”. Here you can write down things that are a part of you but that you do not show to others. This block is called the facade or hidden because these are the things you prefer to hide from others. For example, you might hide a strong will to compete but you keep it to yourself in favor of pleasing others – a very common situation.

The third block is “unknown to self and known to others”. This is the Blind Spot and it can be very difficult to manage, and can cause others to talk behind your back. This is because they can see something that you don’t.

The last block is “unknown to self and unknown to others”. This is hence called unknown. Which means it will never become the subject of discussion.

Knowing who you are is an essential part of achieving a meaningful life, and the aim of this Johari Window is to know your true self through analysation.

Yes it has other uses like in businesses, etc, but I thought I would include it in this topic too as it has some correlation.

“Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.”

123 thoughts on “Insecurity – What holds us back

  1. Great post! I’ve never heard of Johari Windo before so this is very interesting. You’re right I like finding yourself helps with insecuries. Sometimes you get to that point when you’re lost.

    Liked by 7 people

  2. Very reflective post Saania,
    I remember a long time ago studying the johari window and thinking how relevant it is to personal development.
    Thank you, you have stimulated me to do some self reflection. 👍

    Liked by 3 people

  3. My blog posts are proof that I do not hold anything back.

    It does not matter what other people say or think of them as long as I am being truthful and straightforward.

    I have read some information from James Maverick of “The Maverick Traveler”…if there is something great within you, bring it into life.

    If we have something that can help other people better their lives, minds, hearts, etc., we must not be selfish by keeping it inside of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good morning from the land of the wild bulls Saania, that land would be Spain by the way,
    two quick thoughts.

    You said something about that we push ourselves to do things that we are afraid off, in order to overcome our insecurities. We, plural. I actually think it is a small percentage that does that. I do it, I even go as far as putting myself in very harsh situations physically dangerous mentally challenging in order to see how I react. I purposely do so….that´s has to be freaking weird by the way. You also said that people can see our insecurities and that can make the person ashamed, true, I felt like that sometimes but I did train my own brain to not give a s..t. And I overcome those insecurities much more quicker than if I start thinking that this person is thinking this or that about me and the other one and the other one…. it can drive you nuts. So since I´m already nuts I don’t need more nuttiness.

    Stay Frosty gentess. As always very good insightful post.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Charly, thank-you for your comment.
      I see what you mean, very few people, indeed, have the courage to face their fears and step out of their comfort zone. And you are so right about the driving us nuts part! So many of us, including me, feel that anxiety. But much of our pain is driven when ‘we feel that this person is thinking this about me’, when sometimes that may not even be true. The hitch of living a life this way is that you will always perform actions set at such a standard in which you think you will satisfy others. And that’s honestly crazy.

      Also, I visited Spain last year (Madrid and Barcelona) and saw the bull fight.
      I have…no words for that… 🙈

      Have a lovely weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I´m sure you had fun, at the end of the day we are a country where the party never seems to stop. We are constantly on some sort of vacation because of a Saint, or whatever they come up with. We don’t like to work all that much. Hope you enjoyed the bullfight, you being from the U.S I guess it was a shocker, for me since I grew up seeing it and running with the bulls too (they do that in all the small towns around the Madrid capital so I lived in a small town, still do) so for me is normal. People will actually go “boooooo” to the bullfighter if he is not killing the bull quickly and cheer him when it´s an efficient kill and he’ll get his reward which are the ears of the bull. 2 ears if it´s a very good bullfight. There is a lot of technique believe it or not from the side of the bullfighter, apart from having a pair of cojones, those are big big beasts. People would also respect if the bull is good. It´s a millennium old tradition that certain parties want to get rid off and they just can´t, I say in my about page ” You take the bulls from Spain and it will cost you pain” I did got that right, those politicians got thrown out by the people. It´s a sport, we respect the bull, we respect his death, they are born and bread to be fighters, not all bulls make it to the big leagues to be in “Plaza de toros” of big cities like Madrid or Barcelona(which I think they shut that one down), so they are very few selected that are considered to be “toros bravos”. They are majestic creatures and our thinking is that they are born to fight and die. We don’t see it as cruelty. In very few cases if a bull is considered too good he will actually get a pardon and then go to his yard wherever that is and eat grass for the rest of his life happy happy and probably breeding so other bulls come out like him or better. The breeding process is also fascinating.

        Liked by 1 person

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