Insecurity – What holds us back

We all doubt ourselves sometimes.

Thoughts like I am not as attractive enough or I’m not as smart and intelligent enough or not as well-situated in life as I should be. Even the feeling of having all the potential in the world, but that something being there to hold us back.

Comparing ourselves to the people around us, and that just makes it worse.

I find myself in these infuriating situations all the time. In fact even after achieving what I want to achieve, these questions still come, am I really good enough, is this person better than me, am I really there yet?

What I have also realised is that a lot of my insecurities exist where I have yet to prove myself to myself.

These are all examples of insecurities and self-doubts.

But what I have learnt (and am learning) from all of this is that if we push ourselves to do the things that we are afraid of (but really really want), then we slowly cross items off that mental list of things that make us feel insecure. What we fear about the most often shows us what we care about the most. Hence, overcoming the fear lets go off the insecurity (constantly wondering if you’ll ever get there and what people think of you).

Many times our insecurities tend to tell us that we are not capable of achieving something great. However, this doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t go for it.

In fact my insecurities often make me want to go for it and prove to myself that I actually can do it.

Something that makes us feel even more miserable is when we think that everyone can see our insecurity. However, after all it really is something that is invisible and no one can see it but you. While it truly makes us self-conscious and self-doubtful, only we can see what our mind tells us, and what we can deliberately work upon.

On a slightly different note, dealing with our insecurities can become a lot easier when we slowly start to discover ourselves.

For this, I recently researched about something known as the Johari Window.

 

This is a simple illustration of what a typical Johari Window looks like.

It was actually created in 1955 by two psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham. It is an exercise that helps people to understand their relationship with themselves and others better.

In the first block “known to self and known to others”, you can list adjectives and characteristics that describe you. These are the characteristics that you recognize in yourself but that also others mention when they talk with you. This block is called the arena (or open, as it describes the attributes that we usually feel most confident about). We can express them openly, and others apprehend them clearly.

The second block is “known to self and unknown to others”. Here you can write down things that are a part of you but that you do not show to others. This block is called the facade or hidden because these are the things you prefer to hide from others. For example, you might hide a strong will to compete but you keep it to yourself in favor of pleasing others – a very common situation.

The third block is “unknown to self and known to others”. This is the Blind Spot and it can be very difficult to manage, and can cause others to talk behind your back. This is because they can see something that you don’t.

The last block is “unknown to self and unknown to others”. This is hence called unknown. Which means it will never become the subject of discussion.

Knowing who you are is an essential part of achieving a meaningful life, and the aim of this Johari Window is to know your true self through analysation.

Yes it has other uses like in businesses, etc, but I thought I would include it in this topic too as it has some correlation.

“Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself.”